“It’s getting too cold for golf,” said the Queen.
“Actually it’s really quite hot,” said Alice.
“Are you disagreeing with me?” the Queen snarled.
“Never, your highness. It’s just that the planet is growing warmer, after all.”
“The planet is most certainly not growing warmer,” said the Queen. “It’s growing colder.”
“How can you say that?”
“It’s as plain as the nose on your face.” said the Queen. At 9 o’clock this morning it was 85 degrees. At ten o’clock, it was 83 degrees. If this alarming trend continues, it will be a hundred below zero by Tuesday.”
“But –“
“Are you challenging me to a debate?”
“I wasn’t –“
“Debate!” the Queen shouted.
“Debate,” murmured the lords and princes and courtiers.
“How I love a debate,” the Queen gushed. “You may go first.”
“Well you see –“
“I don’t see,” the Queen shouted.
“The –“
“Hoax!”
“If you –“
“Witch hunt!”
“I’m –“
“Blah, blah, blah, blah.”
“But –“
“Stop interrupting me. Demerits for rudeness.”
“I’m just trying to make a point,” Alice shouted.
“Points are not allowed. Demerit.”
“Please –“
“There you go, interrupting again. Debate over. You lose.”
“Brava, your majesty,” congratulated the lords and princes and courtiers.
As the Queen basked in the adulation, a familiar figure entered the scene. The White Rabbit came running up, panting. The Queen looked at him and snapped: “Why do you still have a head?”
“I’m bearing news. There’s a germ going around. Perhaps we should be wearing our masks.”
“Not necessary. I’ll simply slip into my cloak of invincibility, and everything will be fine.”
The Queen turned, made a passing attempt to grab Alice who deftly dodged it, and exited stage left.
Tomorrow, same time, same place — the Queen’s cloak of invincibility.
Wretched Richard's Almanac 