Tag: Cheshire Cat

“Well, I’ll never go there again,” said Alice, as she picked her way through the woods. “It was the dumbest party I ever was at.”

She let out a little shriek as the Cheshire Cat popped onto a nearby branch. ‘I wish you wouldn’t do that. You give me such a fright.”

“Halloween is just around the corner,” said the Cat, his grin widening and looking just a little bit evil. “It’s a right proper time to frighten people.” With that, he suddenly disappeared, the reappeared on the other side of the path. “Boo.”

Alice laughed. “You don’t frighten me so much anymore.”

“That makes me sad.”

“Perhaps if you wore a really scary mask.”

“Oh no,” said the Cat. “We don’t wear masks in Donaldland. The Queen doesn’t like masks. Says they make someone look like a Biden.”

“What’s a Biden?’

“I don’t know, but whatever it is, the Queen doesn’t like it. Speaking of the Queen –“

“I know, he has big hands and he cheats at golf. Just where would I find the Queen’s Court?”

“Straight ahead. Actually, there are several courts. There’s the Tennis Court, the Basketball Court, and the Supreme Court. At the Tennis Court, the Queen’s subjects serve.”

“What do they serve?”

“Why the Queen of course. At the Basketball Court, everyone runs about madly, stealing chickens and turkeys and partridges. When they’ve collected five fowls, they get to sit down. The Supreme Court is where things are decided; it’s divided into three wings. There’s the liberal wing, the conservative wing, and the sexual predator wing and they all make decisions. But the Queen tells them what their decisions are.”

“It sounds like a Kangaroo Court,” scoffed Alice.

“Kangaroo Court, that’s rich. I like that.” The Cat’s grin widened. “Perhaps I’ll see you there. Ta ta.” And with that the Cheshire Cat disappeared bit by bit until only it’s grin remained.

“I’ve seen a cat without a grin before,” said Alice, “but I’ve never seen a grin without a cat.”

Tomorrow, same time, same place — stipulations and legal briefs.

Alice stood at a crossroads, wondering which way she ought to go. As she pondered, she spotted a large Cat on the branch of a tree a few feet away, grinning at her. She had never known a Cat to grin before and didn’t even know a Cat could grin. It looked rather good-natured, but it had very long claws and a great many teeth so Alice thought it wise to treat the Cat with respect.

“What sort of cat are you?” Alice asked. “You must be happy, smiling like that.”

“I’m a Cheshire, “answered the Cat. “And I always smile.”

“Cheshire? Wouldn’t that make you a cheese?”

“Have you ever seen a cheese smile?”

“I guess not. Well Mr. Cheshire Cat, sir, I wonder if you might tell me which way to go?”

“That depends a great deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.

“I don’t much care where — “

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

” — so long as I get somewhere,” Alice added.

“You’re bound to do that, if you walk long enough.”

That seemed logical enough to Alice, so she continued: “What sort of people live around here?”

“In that direction lives a Hatter,” the Cat said, pointing. “And in that direction lives a March Hare. Visit either; they’re both mad.”

“Oh dear, I don’t want to go among mad people.”

“You can’t help that. We’re all mad in Donaldland. I’m mad, you’re mad.”

“What makes you think I’m mad?”

“You must be,” said the Cat. “Or you wouldn’t have come here.”

“I got here quite by accident,” said Alice. “What

Speaking of which, are you going to play golf with the Queen today?”

“I should like to,” said Alice. “But I haven’t been invited.”

“Oh you needn’t be invited. All that’s required is signing a nondisclosure agreement.”

“What would I not be disclosing?”

“Oh I can’t disclose that.”

“Just remember,” the Cat said, his grin wider than ever, “The Queen has big hands, and he cheats.”

And with that the Cat vanished.