Tag: Alice

As she stepped through the door which was now the perfect size for a person of her size, Alice spotted a sign that read Donaldland, Center of the Universe, brilliantly ruled by our most revered Queen. Everything on this side of the door was the right size. “I think I’m going to like this place,” she predicted..

She set off to explore, passing through lovely meadows and gardens filled with colorful flowers, past dear little ponds. The only things marring the beauty of the place were the many signs saying Make Donaldland Great Again. At one of those ponds, she spotted a queer-looking group of animals marching around it. “Curiouser and curiouser,” she said, although everything was curious today. There was an Auk, an Emu, an Ostrich, a Tasmanian Devil and several other strange animals. And leading the parade was a Dodo. They moved about the pond, each at its own pace, some faster, some slower, some stopping now and then, some bumping into one another, until the Dodo suddenly cried out: “The Caucus-race is over.”

“Who has won?” the others all shouted.

The Dodo thought for a moment then said: “Everyone. We all have won.” The animals all cheered. Alice, who was now standing among them, asked: “What is a Caucus-race?”

The Dodo pressed a finger to its forehead and thought some more. “It’s like a real caucus only it’s not, because we’re not invited to real Caucuses anymore. We used to be GOPs, but we’re outcasts now. We’ve been tweetstormed by the Queen.”

Alice was filled with questions, and she blurted them right out: “What’s a GOP? What’s a tweetstorm? What kind of animal are you?”

“I’m a Dodo.”

“Aren’t Dodos extinct?”

“Might as well be. I guess I’m a Dodo In Name Only. And a GOP in Name Only.”

“You haven’t told me what a GOP is,” Alice complained.

“A Grouchy Old Poop. I was once proud to be one — to wear a campaign button on my lapel, a flag on my butt, and make patriotic noise. But that was then and this is now. I’ve — we’ve all been tossed from the poopdeck, bundled off, shown the exit ramp. Unfriended. Tweetstormed.” The Queen doesn’t know us and therefore we don’t exist.”

Stay tuned, same time same place — a royal revelation

Alice was growing sleepy, sitting next to her sister who was reading a book. “What’s the use of a book if it can’t get you online?” she muttered to herself. Just as she was beginning to drift off, a large White Rabbit ran by. This was rather remarkable in and of itself but even more so as the Rabbit pulled a watch out of its waist-coat pocket and said “Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late. The Queen will have my head for sure.”

Now wide awake with curiosity, Alice jumped up and chased after the Rabbit, just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit hole. Alice went right down the hole herself, never giving it a thought, and found herself falling. The hole was very deep and she was falling very slowly, for she had time to look around. The sides of the hole had become walls, covered with pictures. Mostly they were grumpy looking old men, but one of them looked like a Queen. She wore a royal gown, the kind you see on a playing card, and a royal crown nestled in a strange outcropping of very orange hair. The Queen had big hands and — Alice didn’t finish the thought for she landed with a thud on the floor of an ornate room.

The room had no windows and just one tiny door barely big enough for a mouse. It was certainly too tiny for Alice to go through it. The only furniture in the room was a single table. On the top of the table was a small bottle with a note attached that read: Drink me, if you want to become small enough to go through the door. She took a sip from the bottle and waited. Nothing happened. She finished it off. Still nothing. Then she saw more writing on the back of the note: I lied. The only way to get small is to think small. It’s like pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps, except there are no boots or straps and it’s down rather than up.

Alice sat down in front of the little door and recited “I am small. I am small.” As she continued to repeat these words, she saw that the little door was growing larger. Or was she getting smaller? When the door looked like a normal-sized door she said loudly: “I really am small.” She took a deep breath and opened the door.

Stay tuned, same time, same place — a caucus-race

A large rose tree stood just inside the entrance to the Queen’s courtyard. The roses growing on it were black and quite beautiful, but there were three gardeners at it, one busily painting the roses white, the other two painting each other. Venturing nearer, Alice saw that the gardeners were playing cards — a seven of spades, a five of spades and a two whose spades had been painted white. When they saw Alice, they all bowed low.”Can you tell me why you’re painting each other and those beautiful black roses?” Alice inquired.

Seven spoke: “Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a white rose tree, and a black one got put in by mistake. If the Queen was to find out, we should all have our heads cut off.”

“Why ever for?”

“The Queen doesn’t like black. He wants Donaldland to be all white. That’s why we’re painting our own black spots as well. Black cards don’t matter.”

“Well that’s just preposterous.”

At this moment, Five, who had been anxiously watching across the courtyard, called out: “The Queen! The Queen!”

At once, the three gardeners threw themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice turned, eager to see the Queen. First came ten soldiers shaped like the gardeners but bearing red hearts. They were followed by ten courtiers ornamented by diamonds and ten children jumping about merrily. Princes prancing, drummers drumming, lords leaping. And at the end of this grand procession, the Queen, the orange thicket spilling out from under his crown with an unearthly glow.

When the procession reached Alice, they all stopped and looked at her, and the Queen demanded: “Who is this?”

“My name is Alice, if it pleases your majesty.”

“And who are these three groveling on the ground?

“Five, Seven and Two,” they answered in unison. “We’ve –” The Queen spotted the partially painted rose tree and screamed: “Off with their heads!” She then turned to Alice and cooed: “Come join us in a game of golf, Alice if it pleases me.

Tomorrow, same time, same place — a game of golf.