Alice had never seen such a strange golf course in her life. It was no bigger than a tennis court and had only one hole. The golf balls were live hedgehogs rolled up tightly, and the clubs were live flamingoes.
Alice found it quite difficult to manage her flamingo. She succeeded in getting its body tucked under her arm, with its legs up, its neck straightened, and its head next to the ball., but as she was about to hit the ball, the flamingo would twist itself around and look right in her face causing her to burst out laughing. When she got its head down again, the hedgehog would unroll itself and walk away.
The players all played at once, hitting hedgehogs in various directions, quarreling the whole time. The Queen himself was worked up into an awful state, shouting “off with his head!” or “off with her head!” and Alice began to worry about her own head. As she contemplated sneaking away, she noticed a curious appearance in the air. I t slowly became a grin and she new at once who it was.
“How are you getting on?” said the Cat.
“They don’t play fairly, they quarrel and they don’t follow any rules at all.”
“How do you like the Queen?”
“Not at all,” said Alice. “He’s extremely –” Just then she noticed that the Queen was close behind her, a big hand reaching out to touch her. She jumped away and continued ” — likely to win. It’s hardly worth finishing the game.”
“The others have accused you of cheating,” said the Queen.
“I didn’t cheat. I was just having difficulties with my flamingo.”
“This is a very serious offense.”
“I’m innocent.”
“Guilty as charged.” The Queen was almost purring now. He leaned closer and said: “Don’t worry. I find you guilty. I pardon you. We quid pro quo.”
Tomorrow, same time, same place — a great debate.
Wretched Richard's Almanac 