Knowing she shouldn’t go beyond the wall, Alice turned back and retraced her steps, but of course nothing was the same as it had been before. This time the path led to a large mushroom. The mushroom was taller than Alice but, by stretching herself up on tiptoe, she was able to peep over the edge of it. There her eyes met those of a large blue caterpillar, who was sitting on the top, showing not the slightest interest in her or anything else.
“Who are you?” said the Caterpillar. This was not a particularly encouraging beginning to a conversation.
“My name is Alice. At least I think I’m Alice. It’s been a rather confusing day.”
“Can’t you see you’re interrupting a very important press briefing?”
“But there’s no one here but you and me.”
“Where are your credentials?”
“I’m afraid I don’t have any credentials,” Alice replied politely. “But I do have a couple of questions.”
“No credentials, no questions. Next.”
Alice watched as the Caterpillar looked around as if waiting for someone to say something. She was about to speak up herself when the Caterpillar bellowed: “How many times do I have to answer the same question? You might get some new answers, if you’d ask some new questions. Next! The Queen has addressed this many times, and I have no intention of addressing something the Queen has already addressed, and you have his address so go there or somewhere else. Next!”
Alice watched dumbfounded as the Caterpillar once again looked around. When the Caterpillar looked in her direction, Alice raised her hand. The Caterpillar stared at her angrily and said: “I answered that question on Monday. This is Wednesday and I’m not going to answer again on a Wednesday. Come back next Monday. Next!
Alice raised her hand again, but the Caterpillar ignored her and continued: “As the Queen has said many times, there are the Queen’s facts and fake facts. If you could tell the difference, you wouldn’t be wasting my time with fake questions, and we could just get on with making Donaldland white — I mean great again.
At that moment, the White Rabbit came running up, panting. “Am I late?”
The Caterpillar glared at the White Rabbit and said: “The Queen has no plans to fire the White Rabbit despite his despicable dereliction of duty. The Queen remains very sort of confident in him.”
Incoming tweet: “White Rabbit is OUT!! Not very smart.! Not loyal! Tiny hands, big ears! SAD!!! Off with his head!!!!”
Wretched Richard's Almanac 